Sunday, December 7, 2008

For my "special" friends

And then there are those people that seem to come into your life for no reason at all. You know them for a day, a week, a month...sometimes a year, and then they drift away; only to come back into your world as thoughts, or images of a long forgotten moment in time.

I've lost count of the number of such people. I only hope that they are all doing well, wherever they are. I'm sure they know that I miss them in some ways...or rather, think of them when I have the luxury of delving into memories.

Wishes to you, my "special" friends :)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

standing out...looking within

have you ever stopped to look through the lighted windows of a house, to what lies within? it's a favourite activity of mine (yet another one of those weird things i love), and gives me immense pleasure to spot people moving around, the rotating fan, the flicker of the tv screen, etc. whenever i see such a scene (most often during my train journeys), i start thinking of the life that unwinds beyond the portal that i view.

i wonder what someone would spot if she stood and watched beyond the window to my life. i wonder if the occsional joys would shine, or the murkiness of the disappointments, guilt, and pain would cast their aura over the happy parts...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

lessons from college

a long time ago, i appeared for a practical exam in digital electronics. my examiner frowned ever so slightly when he handed over my question paper (we had individual questions for every candidate, and one had to pick her's from a set of question papers). i decided then and there that the question was a tough nut to crack, and the examiner who had also been my professor for a variety of subjects over the past 3 years, must have realised that i would flunk abominably.

i read the paper with a fluttering heart. the question seemed to be a sitter because i figured out the answer in a jiffy. but wait, it couldnt be THAT simple. there had to be some twist. so i started trying to figure out the twist.

(the question is reproduced here, for the benefit of any interested reader: "using 7 segment lcd display, device a mechanism that would indicate an odd number by 0 and an even number by 1".)

simple, right? just reverse the last bit of the given number and provide that as input for the 7 segment display system. but no, my mind was convinced that there was a twist. the professor was famous for setting complicated questions...and i was absolutely sure that he expected me to use all the bits of any given number (how on earth is one supposed to do that, given that there could be varying numbers of bits in random numbers, i still don't know) to generate the required input for the device.

and so i sat and doodled and scribbled for an hour. the prof signalled to me and asked, "hey, what are you fidgeting about? and here i was, thinking that you had got a sitter of a question and would be out of the hall in an hour"...

hell. so that was why he had frowned. he liked to throw challenges depending upon the faculties of his students, and obviously thought that this challenge was too trivial for me...my oh my.
a half hour later, i walked out of the lab, feeling totally sheepish, but happy that i would ace the exam.
to his credit, the prof granted me an 86 (deducting 14 marks for wasted time i'm sure, haha).

i never fail to kick myself when i think of the incident. why should i have bothered to discover a complication that never existed? why? simple...because i, like many others of this day and age, am so used to complicating things, that i can't accept something which is totally simple. like i often say to myself these days, "life is simple". but to think of the umpteen complications i have created in my life over the years...i'm learning to shed each one and day by day, life seems to become a bit more simple, and infinitely more lucid than the previous day. and on days when the devil rears it's horned head and shouts "it's got to be complicated, so keep looking for the twist" , i remember my 6th semester lab exam.

funny how college can prepare you for greater things than a degree...sometimes, it prepares you for life in ways that you may never think of :)

Friday, September 12, 2008

the LHC, photons and their likes :)

we were preparing dinner yesterday evening; he was mixing up some batter and i was waiting impatiently for him to get over with it, when he started talking about the LHC. i must admit that was my first real encounter with the term, though i had been hearing vague references to the experiment for the past week or so. so he was like, "...and two photons are going to be collided on october 21st..." and i was like "hold on. it cannot be two photons; it must be two protons". so that immediately ticked him and he said "how can you be so sure? i think i read photons". so i spouted some gyan on photons (the little that i remember from class 12 physics) and he told me that i am have an "exceptional memory" :) now me, i am modest. i know my memory's not exceptional...it's just good. i looked up the LHC and photons on the web today, and it made for some interesting reading (primarily because i wouldnt have to remember all of the stuff for an exam on the morrow). here are the links (as if the whole world hasnt read of all this already!...but anyway, here's my bit to promote the knowledge of what surely ought to become one of the greatest experiments ever performed!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider

http://lhc.web.cern.ch/lhc/

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

college tales

my second post in the day, which probably shows how very bored and extremely jobless i am (well i have a job, and i am working, but in snatches...it's not keeping me busy today). i was looking up some very old snaps on my computer the other day---they date back to 7-8 years and have that old/jaded look associated with relatively older snaps that have been scanned from their paper originals. i had to do a lot of zooming in and out, to be able to see every detail vividly, but the mind was more than ready with the details where the snaps failed. you see, those are from college tours, the class, our lazy evenings outside the hostel etc.

i think after all these years it would be safe to reveal that my best moments as a student, happened in that beautiful place tucked cosily on a hill. well there were some ugly incidents too, but if i closed my eyes to those (or relegated them to a blind spot in my brain), there is nothing to deter me from saying that RIT was by far the best place i spent in 18 years of acads.

for starters, getting in was a piece of cake. for the less enthusiastic and less scholarly students like me, places like RIT are a godsend :) you prepare for a sennight and take a shot at the state level exam, and lo, there you are...you find yourself at rit :) (that's how i went there, though i had always wanted to go there ever since i had heard of the place in '94 or so). and once you got in, barring the ragging and the electrical labs, life was a piece of cake as well :)

the thing with the electrical labs was that...well...the professors made every session a nightmare, with unending questions to test our lack of knowledge :( and writing a record of the work done was bad too, considering that i have always had scant regard for writing neatly, drawing nicely, etc etc. so anyway, except for a biweekly torture session, and a daily dose of the R thingy in the first year, life was great. i rarely ever studied (except on the night before the exam ofcourse) :) when i moved into the college hostel in the second year, the fun improved by leaps and bounds, and whatever remained of the studies, flew out of the window. i remember our gang of 6 having major addas in the common space in the ground floor at 2:00 a.m in the night, hoping that we would wake up the next morning in time for breakfast (which we never did anyway). all the other girls were cross with the 6 of us and made pointed references to our disturbing behaviour (well, the act of disturbing them while they were studying). all of them were either comp science or EC students and thought of themselves as intellectually advanced (as compared to us ofcourse). i remember their snooty looks (and i hope none of them ever read this blog!) and their sarcastic comments and our giggling behind their backs at the monumental waste of time :)

when we spent hours together sitting on the roads within the campus, looking at the blue sky above and contemplating what the future held for us, i guess we never dreamt of the paths we would take, and the places we would end up in. the fun lies in the uncertainty though, for it gave us umpteen opportunities to fantasise, and today, it gives me even more opportunities to reminisce. nostalgia...oh so bittersweet, and yet one of the bestest things that have ever happened to mortals :)

disclaimer post!

here's something that i thought, was obvious. apparently, it isn't...so here goes. appropos the small description i've put in, please do not take everything on this blog at face value. i am not one of those chatty females that would reveal all of their secrets, dark or light, on a blog :) most of what i write, is trash (it's mostly 65% untrue, though it sounds oh-so-true at times; except for the previous post because i meant every word of it) :) and sometimes, when i feel bored, or sleepy, or just plain pissed at the lack of eventfulness in my life, i'll go on and write some soppy crap (literally crap, because most of it would be junk) :)

ok, so this is my disclaimer post...should've come earlier; but better late than never. i used to write better stuff on my blog at the office, and i can't explain the lackadaisical posts in here! but until i come up with something nicer and more creative, please bear with my lit trash :)

Monday, September 8, 2008

for its sake :)

i think something is grossly wrong with the world...or atleast, most of the world. where we should have concentrated on preaching about love, and practising kindness to fellow beings, we have started preaching on the virtues of being jealous, and practise being arrogant like never before.

the other day, i went to church, knowing fully well that the reverend would subject me and fellow churchgoers to an hour of never ending boredom in the name of a sermon. i did not realise that he would read out an e-mail (one of those "forwards" that i always annihilate with a shift+delete action), and that he would use the points therein to paint a dirty picture of "techies" and MBAs and the likes.

i haven't understood the moot point that he was trying to make that day. he quoted a verse from the good book and strayed from it like the prodigal son from his father's house! apparently, the wise man that he is, he is irked by young people of this generation who are ambitious. and that brings me to the quintessential question -- what is the vice in being ambitious? is ambition by any means, a prelude to wickedness?

so the guy the reverend was speaking about, quit a job that paid him 12lakhs p.a. to look for something that would pay him 36 lakhs p.a. is that a crime? is that act worthy of the disdain and sarcasm that dripped copiously from the other's words? is the society aware of the lakhs that the young man spent, in getting a coveted MBA from some IIM? is he then not justified in making a good ROI? and even if he hadn't made an investement worth lakhs for his education, does he not have the right to aim for a better job, if he so desires? who gave me, or you, or a reverend, the right to speak of his aim as though it were a heinous deed?

really, i have heard this diatribe against "techies" (and other folks working in MNCs) so much and for so long that i wonder what we (the techies) did, to invite this wrath? is it that we spent 4 years studying a variety of subjects related to some branch of engineering? that we got jobs in MNCs that developed software? or is it a war against software itself?
i can't hire an autorickshaw without the driver giving me a discourse on how "my kind" brought the evils of traffic and potholed roads into bangalore...really! now that's a tall claim. i wonder if would have made as decent a living as he does now, if "my kind" had not existed. i also wonder if the reverend in my church would have run out of topics for the sunday sermon, if IT had not happened :)
i was reading a friend's blog that had "rambling" somewhere in its title; iwas also doing an official assignment , and hence was looking up "cultural diversity". at the height of my absent mindedness, i typed in "cultural ramblings" :D

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

everything under the sun..

the blues have all gone away and i feel like a lark all of a sudden...this would have been entirely true, except for the fact that i don't know how a lark feels most of the time (come to think of it, i don't know a lark or anything about its feelings at all)! anyway, the long and short of it is, the negative stuff that came out in the previous post, is all but forgotten, so i have revived the dreams and no, no painful surgeries to exorcise them either :)

it's amazing how one good day or moment can change your mood in a jiffy. had a great time coming to the office today; the cab broke down midway and we stopped at a flyover overlooking a beautiful lake...boy, that really was good and did a lot to uplift the stupid mind from the throes that it usually resides in.

hubby and i have been eating out a lot these days (after we had solemnly vowed to cook at home and eat home-made food!). yesterday, we had onion fried chicken...one word for it; amazing!

lost my access card and got a curt reply that i might have to pay for the new one :( blow !

Monday, August 25, 2008

Monday, August 4, 2008

I was living a dream until you walked by
And snatched what is worthwhile when one lives a dream
You thought not twice before you did it
I doubt you did it once…
I used to have many a complaint
Against you and your vicious act;
I have felt the strain of knowing you
Play havoc on my dreamless life.
Did you care, I’m sure you didn’t
Do you ever care?
I guess you don’t.
For why should you
When people cower in fear
Of you, the ruthless ruler of their lives.
You consider not their precious birthstones
Or charms or potion divine;
You stride on in perfect arrogance, oblivious
Of their presence or their whine,
And let them say once you are gone
“This was destined”

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

for the sake of friendship

i put up a strange "status message" on gtalk today, which prompted a few friends to ask me what had happened. the message was "what the hell" and it was my way of reacting/sending out a message to some idiots who have started sending me mails like "hi, how is the weather? do you like blah blah? please do reply. I want to become friends."...sigh...i deleted a social networking account that could have been a bigger platform for such ridiculous stuff; i didnt realize that an e-mail account could have a potential for being irksome too. remember, these do not come into my "spam" folder, and the accounts seem very very legitimate. anyway, i can't delete the e-mail account, so i guess all i can and shall do, is crib on this my unknown and unseen blog :)

there, now that the steam is out, i feel benevolent enough to pardon all those souls that wanted my frandship...they are obviously much better off without it, though they don't realise it :)

Monday, July 28, 2008

friday's tale as recounted on a monday...

so there was this series of low intensity bomb blasts in the city on friday. low intensity or not, one woman lost her life and some others got injured. and on saturday, the police uncovered another bomb near a very popular mall. how then do we react? i am tired of the usual disbelief --> shock --> anger routine. i think that as saner and more well meaning human beings than the ones that did this act, we should be capable of more than the aforesaid routine. just how, is an entirely different topic, and right now, i dont feel upto the task of delving into a logistical analysis of the task forces at hand and the infrastructure at their disposal and so on and so forth.

among other news, i went home for the weekend and returned with the usual feeling of "i shouldn't have come back"...sigh, when will i get rid of the homesickness? or better still, when will i grow up? :)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

the spouse doesn't seem to understand that some people can be "reflexively" challenged; hang on, i know there may not be a word like that, but what i mean is, there are a set of people in this world that have poor reflexes (and i happen to be one of them). but sadly, my husband seems to think that i can overcome it by adequate practice...sigh. now, don't ask me how and why we got around to discussing my poor reflexes; it's a long story that has its roots in the year that i got a license to drive a light motor vehicle. now i wish i hadn't got that piece of paper that makes an utterly false certification!

here's a declaration: i love my house. i love its balconies, the breeze, which reminds me of a poem i learnt in school (the wind a blowing all day long, the wind that sings so loud a song); and most of all, the ability to see the night sky from my bed, just as if it were a painting on the wall. i hope i don't ever get bored of my house (judging by my rather fickle nature with respect to likes and interests, that seems doubtful...sigh).

Thursday, July 10, 2008

if wishes had wings

is this price you pay for being a grown up? the burden of responsibilities, hiding behind the facade of maturity, facing the brunt of being a sensible person who cannot whine about the unfairness of it all once in a while...
i don't wish i were a child once more, because i seldom wish for things that can never be. but i do wish we redefined our expectations from a grown up human being. i wish we allowed a grown up to cry, to sulk, to rant about the bad deals he's been dealt, without being condescending. on the one hand we are amazed by the innocence of the babes, and on the other we refuse to accept the same innocence in the grown ups.
i do wish i could sit down and cry really hard, and that mom would come and plant a kiss on my cheek, and that dad would buy me a milk chocolate and that, in due course of time, i would stop crying on my accord, glad that the burden's lifted...i wish...

Saturday, June 21, 2008

the little games i play

"peace of mind guaranteed"...thus goes the catch line of some insuarance company's ad.
so, how do you ensure your peace of mind? my gameplan's simple; i call up the spouse to tell him i am fine, and then, switch off the cellphone and mute the other phone connection. believe me, it works like magic each time! no calls, no hassles, no fear of explaining yourself, of being called back to work from a welcome break, or when you had just put your car into first gear on the way back home...nothing at all. ofcourse, the first part of the gameplan ensures that the family's peace of mind stays put; after all, even i can't be totally selfish ;)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

a blue post

some things in life become a pain when they dont go away, and you wait forever, hoping they will. such is the case with what i call "my blue days". they have lasted a full 4 years now, and show no signs of leaving. sigh...

i have decided not to dwell on what could have been; i guess, it could have been, but it isn't, so it wasn't meant to be. so it's like the proverbial bird that i let loose, to test whether it would fly back, and it never did, thus proving that it was never mine. another sigh...this time a long one, an ode to all the could-have-beens.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

for a change...fiction!

What follows is a little bit of many things, but if i were to reveal all of that, there would be no point in making this post. I hope atleast one out of the few readers (if at all any) could make sense out of what i wrote a while ago.


The Visit



I


A million years before human beings inhabited the earth, there was born, on a distant planet, a species that called themselves the Ooks. They called their home Ookagaryum, and this planet is known as Pluto, among the species that consider themselves the most intelligent creatures that walked on earth, if not the entire universe. The Ooks would beg to differ no doubt. The Ooks were so well advanced in their thought processes, that within half a million years of their inception, they evolved into a race that could communicate by a network more advanced than the internet that the humans designed for themselves --- a network of their mutual thoughts. They did not have to “talk” among themselves in the “traditional” way, they merely had to concentrate on focusing their thought processes to match that of other Ooks, and voila, the communication channel was open. There was never any chaos or noise like in human communication, and if there was a difference of opinion, the Ookageppo or the chief of Ooks got a thought signal to make him aware of it, and he would then cancel out the negative energy arising out of the difference in opinion of two Ooks. Indeed, such was the efficiency of their system and their lifestyle, that one would wonder why the Ooks decided to make a foray into human land. But they did make a trip to earth, and what a trip that was!

The Ookageppo had been skeptical about the trip, but when he felt so many thought signals from fellow Ooks indicating to the contrary, he gave in and agreed to send two Ooks to human land. He summoned the two Ooks that were closest to each other in terms of thought bonding, and instructed them on the specifics of the travel. Of course, all this happened, not in a conference room as in the case of humans, but in the respective shells (equivalent of human homes) of the three Ooks. Such was the beauty of the system that the two chosen Ooks simply had to roll out of their individual shells and onto the rocks that would carry them to human land. There was no elaborate preparation required, no rockets, no space ships, and no expensive fuel. A meteoric shower was scheduled to happen at that time, and the Ooks vehicle would be a part of the shower. The Ooks can survive in any composition of the atmosphere, and they can also manage in a total lack of it, for a few Ook days. So they did not need any heavy gas tanks either.

As they clung on to the rock, both the Ooks felt a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Humans would recognize the emotions as excitement and anxiety, but the Ooks who do not know what emotions are, had no means of understanding why their mutual thought waves reached a crescendo at times, and at times sunk to abysmal depths. Though they wondered about it, they did not give it too much extra thought because they were traveling through vacuum and they would need to conserve all the energy they had, if they were to survive.

Three Ook days after they started their journey, the two Ooks found their vehicle plummeting into the earth’s atmosphere.

When the Ooks finally landed in human land or the earth, they had reached a state of thought fatigue. All the highs and lows of their cumulative thought processes had taken its toll, and for a while, there was absolute thought-silence, the state where Ooks pass into slumber. Humans have tried to achieve this state of mind for a very long time, and they have tried using scientific as well as traditional methods like meditation et al. But whereas they never found success, for the Ooks, a state of absolute mental slumber is a way of life. They do it every day and they would perish without it. Thus it was, that our Ook friends retreated into this state of slumber, to rest after their arduous journey to human land, not just because of the huge distance, but also because of the sheer amount of thoughts that they had communicated with each other.


When the elder Ook woke up, he looked around with his tiny eyes. He could see a vast stretch of emptiness, and for a while, he wondered if the thought direction that the Ookageppo had used to propel the rock, had been miscalculated. Presently however, he heard a sound that confused him and set him thinking about the possible source of the sound. The younger Ook was awakened when he sensed that the elder Ook had risen, and was in deep thought. He joined the elder, and together they looked around them. All around them was a colour they had never seen in the Ookagaryum, and it looked very refreshing. They agreed that it had to be the best hue that could adorn any place, and they found the same colour adorning more of the soft, flattened things on tops of column like structures. What are these? How do they grow on the ground as well as on poles? The similarity of their thinking at the same time, caused a positive energy source that gave them an instant answer. They “knew” instantly, that these were grass on the ground and leaves on the trees, and that the grass and trees were all basically the same, just like they were both Ooks. Having learnt that, they were more at ease, and they both agreed that these plants would be very good ornaments for their Ookagaryum. The next bout of positive energy wave taught them about animals and brought them in close vicinity of a human. Both Ooks were extremely happy, though they did not realize it ofcourse…they experienced a heightened mutual thought processing, leading to another positive energy beam and this time, the beam caused a strange tingling in their bodies and they did not know what it was at first, but the beam taught them that since they were in human land, they had started experiencing human emotions too, albeit in a very subdued fashion. The ooks joy knew no bounds. Ookageppo had told them that all emotions were bad and to be shirked, but if this is what it felt like to be happy, the Ooks could not wait to experience more. They came out of their hiding place behind their vehicle from Ookagaryum, and rolled along the grass. The grass was soft and they enjoyed the warmth of the sun rays on their small bodies, as they rolled along merrily on the grass. It was surprising how well they enjoyed these human emotions and they both thought it was an injustice on the part of the Ookageppo to have restrained the ooks from making a trip to human land before. The next positive energy wave lifted them from the grass and hurled them through the air, and they felt exactly as if they were passing through space. For a while they thought that the chief would have summoned them back using a backward bound thought direction, but they were relieved to find that that was not the case, when the waning energy wave deposited them on a soft surface that they enjoyed very much. They soon learnt that it was a couch in the living room of a medical practitioner. Ookageppo’s thoughts synched with theirs at that precise moment, and it was instructing them to leech onto some human minds to find out more about the planet. They had to do more than just think the same thoughts at the same time, if they were to learn about this beautiful planet, and both Ooks realized the wisdom of their chief’s thoughts. The elder Ook leeched onto the doctor’s mind as soon as he had created a channel into it, and at that precise instant, the good doctor felt a jab of pain in his temple that he attributed to the screaming child in his waiting room.
“Nurse, ask the good lady with the crying child to come in now. I want that child to leave here as soon as possible.”
The nurse did not miss the sarcasm in her boss’s tone and gave an understanding nod, before summoning the mother and her sick child. The doctor took the child’s temperature and gave him a shot to take care of the fever. In the meantime, the elder Ook winced as the doctor started getting impatient with the mother and child duo, and started uttering profanities against them in his mind. This was the ook’s first experience with a negative human emotion, and the elder did not like it. But the damage had been done, though he did not realize it at that time. The next time he saw the younger however, and they were baffled by a sight that they did not quite understand, he felt irritated with the younger at not having synched his thoughts with the elder.
“That’s a sheer wastage of useful thought energy, you little idiot, “thought the elder.
“Oh really, what do you know, you old fool? Isn’t it much easier to leech onto a human’s mind and see what they see and hear what they hear and thus learn, instead of going through this rigmarole of thinking alike and at the same time? I am tired of that anyway. It takes a lot of energy to do that, and a lot of concentration too, and I don’t think it’s worth it.”
Ookageppo felt a definite ebb in the energy levels he had been receiving steadily from the earth bound Ooks, and he felt troubled. Though he did not realize that he was worried, he experienced an overall ebb in his communicating faculty, and he was being forced to enter the state of slumber more often than he usually did. He started thinking that it had been a wrong decision to send the elder and younger ooks to human land, and he wanted to get them back. Ofcourse, the other ooks were against such a thought, and the result was a disastrous ebb of energy in the ookagaryum. All the Ooks’ shells lost their lighting, and they were forced to take shelter in the ookageppo’s council chamber. The gathering of a hundred ooks in the council chamber was more than the already tired ookageppo could handle and he retreated once again, to a state of slumber.
While things were going awry in ookagaryum, the ooks on earth were having a happy time, and they had strayed from their original mission. They had no interest in finding out about humans for the sake of knowledge and understanding, but they did want to know more about how humans managed to look beautiful, whereas they ooks resembled the tennis balls that humans played with. They also wondered about how humans managed to lead independent lives, outside the control of chiefs and kings. Upon further leeching they discovered that the humans had shirked the evils of such control and managed to become free and lead meaningful and happy lives. The elder and younger wanted nothing more than to explore a way out of their chief’s control, and after many days, their synchronized thoughts produced another powerful burst of positive energy. They found themselves hurled into the air, but this time they did not think that they were being summoned back to ookagaryum. They decided to snatch a few moments of slumber. When they opened their eyes, it was dark outside. “Nightfall”, they thought. The ensuing blast of positive energy produced light around them instantly, and they knew at once that they were in ookagaryum. Both felt terribly sad, and furious at their ookageppo. How dare he control their lives? Just when they thought they had the mantra to be free from his control, he had summoned them back and showed them that he was king. However, they would not take it any longer. They had to show him that they knew he was being a tyrant. They rolled toward the council head purposefully. Instead of the ookageppo however, they found a group of Ooks scattered around the throne. “Thank god you are back, and you brought back the light”.
“That’s fine, but where’s the sly old Ookageppo?”
“He has lost his mind. He is no longer capable of opening his eyes. He is in a state of perpetual slumber.”
“Oh, he is dead”, thought the erstwhile visitors to the earth.
“So who becomes chief now?”
“There is no need of a chief. Let us have an election”, that was what the elder and younger Ooks thought. They went on to explain the process and the other Ooks felt it was a great idea too.


II

It has been two years since the Ooks made that fateful trip to earth. They had their elections and they elected a leader. But the leader was never really in power, and all his thoughts were trounced by the other ooks. There were three factions and that is a huge number, considering that there are only ninety nine ooks in Ookagaryum. With the factions came lots of thought clashes, and each thought clash brought with it a fresh burst of negative energy. The ooks seemed oblivious to their depreciating resources, hooked up as they were, in trying to control their lives themselves and be free of tyranny. They all had feelings now, and each bad feeling brought with it a fresh wave of destruction of resources. By the end of a year, half of the older Ook population had entered a state of perpetual slumber, and there were no new ooks, because the existing ooks could not agree among themselves upon the number of new Ooks they wanted.
Two years after they returned from earth, the elder and the younger Ooks were the only surviving Ooks.
“What went wrong? Where did we fail?” there appeared a faint light in the horizon.
“Perhaps we should not have suggested the elections” the light became brighter.
“Why do the humans seem happy with that scheme then?”
“Have you seen their numbers? Besides, they are not annihilated like us.”
“Look, there is a lot more light now. Maybe everything is not lost.”
“Why don’t we have another Ook among us? Three is better company than two after all”
The strong burst of positive energy brought with it a new Ook. The two elder Ooks were happy now. They realized that all was not lost. They still had hope, so long as they protected their race from the human land.
“This is our new ookageppo”, the younger ook directed a thought at his new companion, introducing the elder ook to him.
“Hail the new ookageppo” they thought in unison. At this, the Ookagaryum was once again lit up like the olden days.
“May peace prevail in our land, and may we never want to venture to human land”, thought the two original Ooks. Their joy knew no bounds when they spotted the numerous shells around light up at their collected thought.

Friday, May 9, 2008

An upliftment to the blog

My blog has a picture atlast. Yay!!!
This was taken on a train ride (wonder if that's the right term) home, home being in Kerala. I was feeling tired, sleepy and a little tensed as well (on account of a loved one's sickness) and yet, I managed to bring the trace of a smile on my lips...how brave :) sigh...enough of gloating.
The long and short of what I have been trying to say is that I am making a sincere effort to make my blog slightly more presentable. I hope this is a step in the right direction. tell me if it is not...

Sunday, March 16, 2008

quotes

A guy and a girl can be just friends but at one point or another one of them will fall for the other maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late or maybe just maybe forever!
don't know if that's true. just put it there because it struck me...

here's another one Wouldn’t life be perfect if sweatpants were sexy, Monday mornings were fun, junk food didn’t make you fat, girls didn’t cause drama, guys weren’t so confusing, nothing was regrettable, and goodbye's....They only meant until tomorrow

god created men first because you always make a rough draft before you make a masterpiece
this one's making me laugh (i don't believe it)

should i smile cause you're my friend, or cry cause that's all we'll ever be?
what can i say, except "hmmmmm..."

im not supposed to love you, im not supposed to care, im not supposed to live my life, wishing you were there, im not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do, im sorry i just cant help myself, i fell in love with you
another "hmmmmmm..."

Saturday, March 15, 2008

there are some things that we can't change, no matter what, or how hard we try. these are the things that keep my faith strong...a faith that there is a god somewhere, who pulls the strings that control the unknown and unpredicatble stuff in our lives. so what do i do when such things come my way? if i want them out of my life, i pray to god to pull the strings that would throw these things out of my orbit. if i like them, i hope they'll stay on for a longer time.

i hate the things that i cannot change. they are a pain in the neck, a hinderance to the otherwise smooth flow that i identify as my life. i'm sure everybody's like that. there are a few such things right now...i hope they go away for good, and never gain access to my orbit. like they say in shawshank redemption, "hope is a very good thing; maybe the best thing. and a good thing never dies". here's to hope for better times.

yawnnnnnn

ever so slightly tired...and frustrated. when the body's not responding to your command, i guess that's bound to happen. i just hope i'm back to being "as fit as a fiddle" soon...or almost :-)

life's gotten into a predictable groove...yet again. how nice! sigh...i hate this predictability. did i ever tell you that i once wished for the third world war to happen soon? ok, let's chuck that. that was at a time when i was not the most sensible person around, so i guess that could be forgiven. i dont wish for the third world war now, but maybe, a flying dragon, or a reincarnated dinosaur would be nice!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A Wingless Dream

It comes back to me
Every now and then,
A wingless dream;
Startles me with its intensity,
Amazes me with its persistence,
Hurts me with its futility —
Each time it comes
And leaves in its wake
A sea of remorse,
I resolve
Not to put at stake
My happiness; not to take
A load of care
That will not wear;
Not when this dream
Has a glossy sheen
That will never go away.

Friday, March 7, 2008

The Fifty First Day


I

Brian looked at the party caps and the paper plates strewn around the room. The room looked totally messy and he did not envy his mother’s maturity and independence right then. She would have a tough time in the morning, no doubt. On second thoughts, he realized that she was always having a tough time these days. Dad’s illness had taken an immense toll on her and his otherwise cheerful mom had been reduced to a nervous wreck who dropped dishes and swore and got irritated. He wondered why things had changed. To his twelve year old mind, the sudden change from bright and colourful to black and grey was quite indigestible. Was dad getting worse? No, the doctor had assured him that dad could only get better…then what was the reason behind the changed scenario? He wanted a lot of answers, but he felt lost, because there was no one to help him.

His friends had told him that AIDS didn’t have a cure. And that all the sinners like dad, who took drugs and dealt with drugs, deserved to die. They said he would die anyway, because of all the drugs he had taken. Brian often wondered why his dad took drugs. Phil said that only people who are really unhappy take drugs, to forget their unhappiness. Why was his dad unhappy?

Brian lay back in his bed, but sleep eluded him. He got up stealthily, and made his way to the door across the corridor. He paused for the briefest of moments as he reflected on the umpteen times that he had ventured into the room that lay beyond, without the slightest of qualms; the games he had played with dad, the breakfasts they had in bed together. He felt a telltale tear making its way out of his eyes, and quickly wiped it off.
The door creaked when he pushed it open. He hoped that the sound would not wake his mother. He knew that dad would not be asleep anyway. He seldom slept these days.

“Claire, is that you?”
“Dad, it’s me…I was wondering if we could talk…for sometime…please?”
“Ofcourse Brian”. Brian thought he detected a faint hesitation in his dad’s voice. “What is it young man? Enjoyed the party so much that you can’t sleep, eh?”
“Dad, you know, I didn’t enjoy the party at all. Not when you are sick and unhappy, not when my friends say that you are unhappy and that you will die soon, not when mom looks sad all day long.”
“Brian, come here my boy. Are you scared?”
“Dad, are you scared? Are you scared that you will not be around for much longer? Phil was saying that you ought to be scared, especially since you brought this upon yourself.”
Andy felt his frail body shaking with sobs. He hugged his youngest son tightly, and held on to him as though that was the last thing he could do to grab a few more days of life.
“I am sorry kiddo; I did not mean it to be this way. I am unhappy now, but my unhappiness comes from the fact that I cannot take you to your football practice matches, and that I cannot attend the twins’ graduation from the college; and that I cannot make your mom smile and be happy. I feel unhappy because I robbed all of you of the comforts I should have given you.”
“Hmm, dad is there a way by which we can reverse all this. I mean, go back in time, and erase your addiction; maybe, we can erase your illness then.”
Andy sighed, and when he did, it sounded like a groan to Brian.
“Son, I think I must tell you this. The doctor says that I have not more than fifty days left. Fifty days is a long time, you know. I have enough time to tell you so many stories that you would never fall short of stories to tell your grandchildren; enough time to give so much love to your mommy, that she would not feel the pain when I am gone; enough time to call the twins home and congratulate them on their successes, that they may never regret not having their old man around to applaud them when they collect their degrees. But Brian, fifty days is not a long enough time for me to go back in time and put right the things that I messed up.”
“Fifty days? Really? Dad…what happens after that? I...I will not let this happen to you.”
“I wish I could do something about it Brian. There’s not a day that passes by, when I think about what I did to all of you, to myself. I know now that happiness comes from within you. No matter what your friends say, you cannot buy happiness with a needle or a puff of smoke…it’s an illusion.”
“Hmm…dad, the doctor said you could only get better.”
“Son, I am already better. I am a better man now, a better husband, and a better father. I realize the injustices I’ve done to all of you, and I think that makes me a better man.”
“Dad, I meant, you becoming better…you know, not having to…go away.”
“Brian, I wish I did not have to go away…not when I have become a better person. It would have been great to live with all of you while I am a better man than I used to be…” Andy’s voice trailed off. He was thinking of the doctor’s verdict.
Fifty days…what a miserably short time when you know it’s all you’ve got; when you know that you cannot escape from whatever it is that will come to ambush you on the fiftieth day. He felt the tears well up in his eyes again. He felt weak, terribly so, and he wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t. He felt Brian stir beside him in his sleep.

The next morning dawned as usual, with a façade of cheeriness and a sense of the mundane. Andy awoke from his slumber and looked around. Brian had gone. He had left a paper though. A paper filled with a childlike scrawl…
“Dad, I don’t believe the doctor when he says that you will be gone after fifty days. Who is he to say that? Can we look at an ant running around and say that it will be dead in ten minutes? I think you will live for more than fifty days. I shall look forward to the day after the fiftieth day. Hope to see you there, Brian.”

Andy did not know how to react to a child’s anger at a verdict that signaled the end of the road for his father. He knew that there was no point in hoping for a miracle, and that he had reached a place where there were no miracles, no hope for one. But then again, wasn’t he the one who had told Brian that fifty days is a long time? So if his battered body could drag itself to the fifty mark, could it not see through another day? Could he not be there to greet Brian on the fifty first day? Wasn’t it worth praying for, if that was the last thing he could do to snatch a few moments from the jaws of death?

Andy got out of his bed slowly, and knelt down to pray. He did not know how to pray, so he said aloud, to no one in particular, “If I have fifty days to live, I’m sure you can give me another measly day. Let me live for fifty one days.”


II

Six months after his twelfth birthday, on a fine March morning, Brian was playing with his friends. Presently he saw his mother come out of the house and wave at him. “Brian, come in here. Dad’s going to drive us down to the station. The twins are coming home for their spring break. You don’t want us to get late, do you?”
“Coming mom…” He ran as fast as he could. Brian had grown to realize the worth of every moment in his life and in the lives of those that he loved. His dad’s daily prayer to let him live for fifty one days, had brought them this far. He hoped it could see them through a few more springs.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

selfish me

i have been thinking a lot lately, and when i do that, i always come up with some amount of philosophical shit. this post will have a lot of that, so you decide if you want to continue reading...(yeah i like to put disclaimers at the very begining; i think it makes no sense to put them at the end, after the harm's been done!).

on one of those days, when i was in my usual pensive state of mind, i came up with this beauty: "i have one life to live, so i shall not live it according to anybody's terms, but my own." i know that's nothing novel, and that many others would have said the same thing before me, but each person who discovers something for himself, experiences the this-is-so-true feeling about something, deserves all the credit that the very first person who came up with the idea got, so there!

am i being selfish when i say that? i say "no". i mean think of this...i am born, i grow up, i attend school, college, take up a job, marry someone...so far most of everything's been done according to a lot of other folks wishes; but heck, where's my life...it's-a-going-away, slipping by too damn fast, and before i realise it, i think i'll have cataract and a few dentures...you get the point, right?

so before that happens, i need to get a life of my own, which essentially means, do the things i've always dreamt of doing, be the person i've yearned to be, see the sights i have envisioned in my mind, go to places i have traversed in my mind...and no, this isn't selfishness. i'll indulge in some plagiarism and borrow walter scott's concept to dish out my idea

"breathes there a man with soul so dead,

who never has loved himself?"

here's to love of the self! (better late than never!)

Friday, February 22, 2008

Good little things

Good things need not come
In large packages with glossy wraps.
Sometimes you get them in a little box,
Wrapped in a sheet of paper,
Once a part of a drawing book and later
Got torn out to serve as the “gift paper”.
A lot of thought goes behind
These little boxes of a priceless kind
A long wait to get the right flavour at times,
Of the right toffee from a friend who just turned nine…
Or a careful plucking of a rose from the garden,
Hoping the grown ups won’t notice;
Days of waiting till it’s properly pressed and dried,
And just the right texture for what she has in mind.
And then the hunt for a little box
To put the goodies in, like Santa does with the socks
And once it’s done and wrapped
With her best work from the art class
She feels a sense of sheer delight
That she is just in time
To wish “dear mother mine”
A very happy birthday.