the free bird

raghu watches her walking around with a broomstick in hand, ostensibly to sweep the floor, and he wonders what thoughts lurk in her brain. half an hour ago, she had dropped a bombshell on him when she said she was leaving him soon. his first instinct when he heard those words, was to strangle her. the disbelief when he had seen the picture in shyam's laptop was replaced with intense anger; and a bitter sweet longing for the past that now seemed mythical. accepting the truth was going to take some time and so he decided to accost her with some uncomfortable truths. wasn't it just a couple of weeks back that they had had that romantic dinner at the rooftop restaurant?

"hey sheela, what about that romantic dinner we had a couple of weeks ago? don't tell me you were mad at me back then. hell, we had so much fun and you didn't give me the slightest inkling of being unhappy."

"romantic dinner, eh? two weeks ago? let me see, oh yeah, the famous dinner that almost never happened, thanks to your business call. and when it did, what was romantic about it? the candle between you and me that the hotel staff had put there to charge you a few hundred more rupees? you call that romance? hah!"

"you needn't be so sarcastic. back in college, candle light dinners were very much your idea of romance."

"candle light dinners for what they meant back then. not for having a lighted candle on a table top and huge pockets of silence and discomfort all around. raghu, listen to yourself and you'll understand that we have drifted apart."

"really? where? how? i don't see that. i don't want to drift apart. i want us to be together."

"there, it had to come out, didn't it? what's with you and this controlling nature? you want us to be together. there's never any question of what i want!"

"okay hold on, there's no need for any shouting. i mean, we can talk things out calmly, can't we? i just said that i would like both of us to be together for the rest of our lives. i mean, that's what we wanted when we decided to get married, right?"

"so that was four years ago. i don't think like that any more. i want more space. i am moving out."

"you want more space? what for? look, what's gotten into you?"

"nothing, i just realize now that we were not meant to be together. we never were. it was a mistake. i don't love you, i never did."

his eyes welled up then, when he heard her say that. he wished she would be tearing up too as she said that, but he knew she wouldn't. he wished there was some inexplicable reason why she was doing this, some kind of irrational fear, some superstitious stuff, even some disease for god's sake. but he knew there wasn't. he knew now that the twinkle in her eyes in that photo his friend shyam showed him the day before, was very real. oh there was love, a lot of it infact, but none of it was for him. shyam's neighbour's friend anand had stolen his lady's heart and she had become a stranger overnight. hell, one thing she couldn't beat him at though, was pretence. she was making a fool out of herself with all this talk of him being a control freak. her eyes belied her own distrust of what she said, and it wouldn't be long before she would be forced to own up to him. he would wait until then, watching her and provoking her with these conversations. he knew that she would buckle under the relentless pressure eventually.

********************************
she hadn't been able to believe it herself at first. when anand teased her that she was in love, and not with her husband, she had retaliated.

"dude, this is just friendship. we are good friends, that's all."

"oh bull, don't give me that load of rot. you know as well as i do that you love me; good friends don't sweet talk for hours into the night while the rest of the world sleeps. that stuff is for beyond just good friends. so what if you are married? love knows no rhyme, reason or season."

"but that's just not who i am. i can't be dishonest about love for god's sake! what about our wedding vows?"

"well what about them? if you were to stick with him and pine for me secretly, that would be emotional infidelity, wouldn't it? and do you think that would be honest? would that be very much like you?"

"is that sarcasm? how do i tell him? how do i get out of that house?"

"well you could be honest about it and tell him the truth as it were. which would be dicey. you may end up postponing the event for so long that you eventually don't bring it up at all. the other way would be to shove some of the blame up his sleeve. tell him he doesn't care for you. that you've spent anxious hours waiting for him to come home and that you have grown tired of it all. something like that. baloney. lies. they help always."

"oh my, this is not what i had expected. how could a friendship change into love overnight? and why would it happen to me, a married woman of all people?"

"hah. does a legal status change the desires of your heart? face it girl, you are not happy with him. and that's why you found love elsewhere."

"maybe. but this is certainly complicated."

she had taken the short cut and decided to accuse raghu of being inconsiderate and aloof. a part of which was true, but she knew that it wasn't because he didn't love her. it was just that he had responsibilities at the workplace and a household to finance. she knew that she was at fault. but she also knew that she had no desire to feel trapped in a place where she didn't feel happy. her mother would have warned her of the fires of hell that awaited her after death. but she wanted to be happy in the one life that she had and knew. everything else was uncertain. the lure of happiness makes you do strange things. like go against the tide and walk out of a once happy life. not that it was by any means an unhappy one now. just that there was no happiness in it anymore for her. and while she had a chance, she wanted to get a share of the happiness that life with anand seemd to promise. she knew raghu hadn't bought her story of him being a control freak. but so long as he didn't know the truth, she was fine.

***********************************

"love is a funny thing. it never allows you to be in control of yourself, much less over others or situations", raghu thinks. "if i were the control freak that she accused me of being, i would have tied her up and locked her in the house. no, i am the large hearted guy, the one who lets the bird fly out of the cage to see whether it returns. if this bird does return, i'll break its wings and maim it for life, for sure i will!"

"look, no word of this to our families until we sort things out, ok?"

"there's nothing to sort out raghu. i told you what i want."

"okay, atleast give me the time to tell ma. until then, let's behave as if nothing's amiss, could you atleast do that for me?"

"okay, but do tell her soon."

a half hour later, they walk out of the house together, a picture of perfect love for onlookers. she turns back and gives him a half smile as she walks towards the bus stop, while texting anand "i think he bought it. hopefully, i'll be a free bird by next week, whew!". he returns her smile and starts for the subway thinking of a gameplan to trap his bird.