and so the results are out and i didn't make it. does it make me feel sad? to be honest, not sad, but a little bad, yes. i hadn't expected to make it through, after gauging the impression of the panelists; they were on the lookout for someone who had a similar/related background, not an engineer with 8 years in IT. having said that, given my performance in the interview, i had a vague ray of hope hidden somewhere, that lulled me to sleep on hot nights when the chugging ceiling fan reminded me of unfulfilled aspirations.
there are some who say, "good luck for next time". i wonder whether there will be a next time. i doubt. i don't trust myself to give repeat performances in arenas that have rejected me once. i'm reminded of the medical entrance exams circa 1999. sigh, that was another era and another story altogether. would i have made a better doctor than an engineer? i doubt; infact, i can almost decidedly answer that in the negative. i may have made a good one, but hell, i am a good engineer too.
then why the need to change to public policy, of all areas, and why now, they asked. as do others, albeit discretely, behind my back. to the latter query, my answer was, and always shall be, "there is no use before date on education, and there never should be". they were reasonably amused by that, i could say, and hastened to assure me that they had no doubts of my ability academically. them grades came to my rescue i believe (sardonic chuckle). as for the former query, how does "i want to improve my country and make it a better place by some measurable standards" sound? perhaps too altruistic, eh? i believe so, though i say it myself. honest to god though, i do want to make this a better place to live in, and raise my kid(s). i want these kids to feel good about something that happened in their country courtesy their parents' generation, instead of read wistfully about the halcyon days when people sacrificed and laboured and died for freedom.
does that sound too idealistic? maybe, but hey, didn't i always tell you that i am not run of the mill? :)
